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Assault victim seeks asylum


BRANDON, MANITOBA—Local farmer, Starewell McLintoch, needed emergency surgery last week following a vicious assault that left him with a broken foot, severe whiplash and a dislocated prostate.

According to a police report, the assault took place when the fifty two year-old polygamist was caught cheating in his workshop by three of his five wives. Mr. McLintoch has categorically denied any infidelity, claiming instead that he was simply teaching a local waitress how to use his cotton picker.

Friends of Mr. McLintoch’s claimed that in the run-up to the assault Mr. McLintock had been complaining about the tedium of married life, a claim supported by his marriage guidance counsellor.

A spokesman for McLintoch’s wives reiterated the shock, dismay and anger felt by his clients. Meanwhile, a judge will decide in the next few days whether to approve their claims for damages and Mr. McLintoch’s application for permanent asylum at the local hospital.

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