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UN sets up special Trump hotline


A special helpline has been set up to advise world leaders on how to cope when they come face-to-face with US President-elect Donald Trump.

In the likely event of finding himself alone with Mr. Trump, Canada’s Prime Minister Trudeau was advised to remain fully dressed, avoid alcohol and resist the urge to perform any yoga poses, especially the downward dog which is said to be one of Mr. Trumps’s favourite “positions”.

Senior female politicians, including Germany’s Angela Merkel and Britain’s Theresa May were issued with supplies of pepper spray. When Trump heard about the spray, he tweeted that despite the close Anglo-US relationship, he didn’t feel Britain’s Prime Minister would have any reason to use it.

In the last day or so, a spokesperson for the EU announced that all European leaders would be sent DVD boxsets of The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice—while to prepare for a G7 summit later in the year, Japanese PM Shinzō Abe, spent the night in a cage with a baboon.

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