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Royals visit downtown addiction centre


VANCOUVER, BC—The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge continued to woo Vancouverites yesterday with a surprise visit to an addiction centre in downtown Vancouver. The centre, which runs an outreach program for monarchists, was filled to the brim with Union Jack-waving fans there to welcome the Royal couple.

One such monarchist, 80 year-old, Fred Trottle from Delta, was rushed to hospital after collapsing into a coma following a handshake from the Duke, while Vera Whitelaw, a corgi-loving senior from Kerrisdale found it all a trifle overwhelming and was removed screaming by police officers when her special edition, Sarah Ferguson colostomy bag, exploded.

A spokeswoman for the centre was diplomatic but ultimately disappointed by the visit – “It was insensitive of the Duke and Duchess to drop by unannounced. These addicts have spent years in rehab trying to wean themselves off the Royals, now suddenly they’re back to square one.”

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