Underachieving brother sullies family reputation

DENISON, TEXAS—A man narrowly escaped injury overnight when he crash-landed a small plane into a local river. Orville Sullenberger (80) stole the plane from a local airport, attempted to take off, but instead – ended up submerged in ten feet of water. He was pulled to safety by attendees at a local Ku Klux Klan gathering.

According to his wife, Orville was so incensed that Hollywood had made a movie out of his “over-achieving” brother, Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger’s heroics in 2009, that he decided to prove that he could do the same, albeit with no flying experience.

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