• Real Estate Correspondent

Knockers set to swarm Vancouver

BREAKING—The City of Vancouver today launched a recruitment drive to implement its newly proposed empty home tax. Twenty-five thousand door knockers will be hired to scour the city identifying vacant properties.

A spokesperson explained the initiative – “These new employees will be instructed to knock on each door at least three times. If there’s still no answer after the third knock, a yellow dollar sign will be painted on the door and the property owner will receive a gently worded, trilingual tax demand. Every unanswered knock will increase the amount due by a factor of six, reflecting the number of letters in the word – gotcha. We pride ourselves on our revenue-generating ideas.”


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