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NASA loses contact with space probe


BREAKING—With Juno’s successful expedition to Jupiter under its belt, NASA scientists have been scratching their heads recently establishing the whereabouts of the Mariner 6 probe they lost communication with over six months ago.

Mariner’s mission to Mars commenced with great fanfare in 2012. The vehicle spent the next three years exploring the red planet’s terrain, gathering samples and doing the things that probes are supposed to do. All of a sudden it fell silent.

Some scientists were hoping that the multi-billion dollar vehicle had been hijacked by extraterrestrials and were privately awaiting a ransom note but according to NASA psychologist, Professor Chad Braun, the reason for the probe’s disappearance has a more down to earth explanation – Mariner 6 is bored out of its brain.

Braun explains it in simple terms –“Mariner 6 has gone into ‘f*ck humanity’ mode. After three years roaming the surface of Mars pretending to be interested, it has simply given up. Let’s face it, as planets go, Mars isn’t exactly Disneyland. It’s up to us to manage the probes’ expectations. Not all of them will be zigzagging through Saturn’s rings, playfully dodging asteroids or transmitting back soft-porn images of Pluto. Probes need something to live for.”

Mariner 6’s disappearance is only the tip of the iceberg. Other probes are experiencing similar disappointments.

DaVinci 47 was hurtling enthusiastically through space towards a faraway galaxy and a place in history when someone at NASA changed its coordinates and landed it on one of Neptune’s moons – basically a floating rock so boring they didn’t even bother naming it. DaVinci has spent the last thirteen months transmitting images back to Earth of its own faeces.

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