Trump looks to taxpayer funding
PARK CITY, UTAH—Donald Trump is facing an uphill battle convincing Republican financiers to contribute to his campaign.
At a recent Trump fundraising event titled – The Unforeseen Costs of F**king Your Own Party, his campaign team was busy trying to generate interest and dollars among wealthy party donors.
A campaign spokesperson was upbeat – “We expect a funding shortfall but under federal election laws we’re entitled to a lump sum of government money to fund our campaign, similar to what John McCain did in 2008. Assaulting taxpayers’ intelligence costs money – it’s become increasingly likely that we’ll have to rely on taxpayers’ dollars to continue that assault.”
Deep-pocketed attendees at the event paid extravagantly to watch Chris Christie bounce naked on a trampoline, Ann Coulter offer advice on do-it-yourself colonic irrigation, and a re-enactment of the infamous “squeal like a pig” scene from the movie Deliverance, starring Trump himself, with Ben Carson in the Ned Beatty role. Carson was asleep at the time.