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Senior survives on polystyrene balls


ALBANY, OREGON—A bean bag manufacturer came under fire last week after a customer got stuck in one of its bags for fifteen days.

72 year-old, Baxter Kellogg, a 250-pound retired toaster tester, was ensconced in his newly purchased bean bag while watching a football game on TV. When he attempted to get up to pour himself another beer he was unable to lift himself out of the bag.

Beany Seatz Inc., the Spokane-based manufacturer, issued a statement saying that it was recalling it’s Super-Comfy and Lard-Ass ranges of bean bags due to the fault. According to the statement there’s a direct correlation between the amount of polystyrene balls used in the bag and the body/mass index of the customer. If one exceeds the other by a large amount, accidents like this are likely to occur.

Kellogg survived by ripping a small hole in the bag and gnawing on the balls.

Betty Kellogg, Baxter’s wife, saw a positive side to the incident – “When I got back from my monthly vacation I hardly knew him, he hadn’t eaten in over two weeks. I was amazed by his weight loss, almost sixty pounds lighter. His struggles to get out of that bag were probably the most exercise he’s ever done. He was pale but despite the smell, he looked well. I guess he'll stick to the sofa from now on.”

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