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Canada's Conservatives court Ted

BREAKING – Ted Cruz is said to be considering a move into Canadian national politics following his failure in the race to be the Republican presidential nominee.

The Canadian-born Texan wasn’t commenting on the rumors when he returned to his native Alberta last week to take part in the annual Conservative Party Moose Pursuit.

This team-building event, now in its 49th year, involves two to three thousand rank and file party members dressing up in moose costumes and being chased through a national park by sitting MPs.

News of Cruz's intentions to run for the party leadership would be a shot in the arm for Canada’s Federal Conservatives following their defeat to Justin Trudeau’s Liberal Party late last year.

A spokesman for the party, Gordie Muldoon, explained that they’d been courting Cruz for months through unofficial channels such as the National Organization for Marriage, the Society for the Protection of Sewerage Workers and the NRA.

Muldoon couldn’t contain his excitement –“For us, Ted is our great white hope. We all know that a US election campaign is ideal training for the rough and tumble of Canadian politics.”

80 year-old party worker and Moose Pursuit participant, Bessie Wagenstock, was emotional at the thought of Cruz leading the party –“Today he chased me for thirteen freakin’ miles before I had to stop for a smoke. We need a leader with grit, guts and tenacity, someone with the physical prowess to beat Trudeau at his own game—‘cos every handstand, every yoga pose, every photo with a pet panda drives a stake through the heart of Canadian Conservatives.”

Above–Cruz demonstrates what he was willing to do to become part of President-elect Trump's new inner circle.



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